Well it has been quite a few days.
My week began with a conversation-that fed into 3 more conversations. The first demanded attention. As I have mentioned before--if I feel that I am misunderstood, I work to find a way to be understood. On Monday, I did that. I spoke up. I said what I needed to say, and may I say: I highly recommend this.
week 19: trust your gut and trust what you have ALREADY learned: if I don't say it-I never said it!!!!
This motto has been my "go to" for quite a few years now, so, no, it is not a new lesson of "40." Yet, this week, it was reaffirmed several times, and yet left itself open.
On Monday, I had a conversation that has been lulling in my mind for months...MONTHS. I knew there were things left unsaid-
...but was I willing to re-open the can of worms (or in this particualr case: raw sewage--yep, THAT bad)?
I was willing, and I did. I stuck up for myself, for my honesty, for my loyalty, for my integrity. And I apologized for the mistakes I made (which I won't make again). We came to a true consensus-a common ground, and we both learned that morning. We both grew that morning. I know we can move forward and have a positive relationship. I know we trust each other again, and I know we have respect with each other again. For me, if I lose respect in someone, I cannot have a relationship with them. It is in time that I will know if this relationship will continue to create bridges to new pathways.
Which moves me to another conversation I had this week. I was honest, once again, with someone who I have felt has let me down. But in our conversation, I realized, I let her down, too. Maybe I assumed that I could be the friend she needed--that I had been the friend she needed. Maybe...we just need time to let things settle. I still feel misunderstood in this situation-and I am not sure how to change that. I said what I needed to say, but I still feel....
unheard.
What will become of this relationship? I don't know. But I do know that I don't give up, and I am loyal, and when I love, I love deeply with my whole heart. So, maybe this situation needs the respect of-
time.
A third conversation happened this week after the first two. In that conversation, I was reminded that with time...things grow. We have grown. We have changed. We have evolved (the word used about me). In our relationship, we have silently, but loudly, vowed to be honest, to be real, and we have become closer through those vows.
So in regards to the first two conversations, it is the third that reminds me that
time is a gift.
Let time be the mediator...let time be the healer...let time show me.
Lastly, a 4th conversation happened after the first three...a conversation where we pondered what EXACTLY is it in life that fulfills us? Is it our work? Is it our family? Is it our partners? Is it our friends? Is it the activities that we engage in? Is it our children (if we choose to have them) Is it our beliefs?
and then I thought on it...
...or is it something greater?
Could it be the thing that drives us, motivates us, thrills us...is what we don't know?
the unknown
the impossible possibilities
the unimaginables that we have yet to imagine
the dreams we won't close our eyes to dream
if I don't say it, I never said it--but sometimes-
I don't know what to say...
week 19-a week of conversations.
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