It has been awhile since I last blogged. I had many scribbles of things I wanted to say, and then I got a new phone, my "cloud" failed me, and I lost a year and a half of my "notes."
it was this glitch that began a new chain of thinking...
Perspective is powerful.
When I realized I lost all of those words...I was upset. Then, I was relieved. I couldn't go back and see those thoughts, but I also couldn't go back and re-live them either.
As 2013 came to a close, I began thinking about all this "resolution" business. People sitting down, creating these "resolves." I started thinking about how I approached last year and the year before, and I realized that I hadn't made any real resolutions, but rather, I had made some hard and fast DECISIONS.
In the past year, I decided to make my way through the final months of the school year, a year that was quite possibly the most difficult of my career (yes, even more difficult than year one-simply because in year one, I had nothing to compare it to).
I have a hard and fast rule in life--one that my students can tell you very well: I don't make promises I can't keep.
I promised my team to be there til the end of the school year, and I was. Yet, I wasn't just promising them a member of a team, I was promising to myself that I would stay at my school until the end. I had been looking outward …but I would never walk from a commitment. And I stayed.
In the past year, I decided to finish that damn internship, to complete my master degree, even after I learned that I could drag it out another two years. I decided I was going to graduate, and that meant I had to complete the work. And, I did.
In the past year, I decided that I would, in fact, get healthy. For the first time in my life, I decided to work out, to push my body far past the hard limits I had afforded it. I decided that after the third day of Insanity that I would keep going. I decided that I would not make excuses--too tired, don't feel like it, too many cocktails the night before. I decided that even on double days, I would push myself. Some people say I have willpower. Nope, I just decided.
In the past year, I decided to come back to work, physically and mentally. After choosing to hide under a rock for a year, choosing to keep my mouth shut, and conforming-or what I felt was conforming (ugh!!), I was ready to let my voice be heard (those were my choices--looking back, I chose to do that, and I can only blame me for that). But, I decided that I would not do that without heeding the hard, tough, excruciatingly painful lessons (and they still sting sometimes) that I had learned… Looking back, sometimes those lessons felt like I was cramming my face into a pile of suffocating mud. No, that's really what it felt like. I don't easily "let things go." I wasn't sure that coming back was what I really wanted to do…but I was given an opportunity to loop again with my little 1st graders, then 2nd graders…, and I decided to say yes, and I committed to those families. But, as I said before- I would never walk from a commitment. So, I came back for them. And I decided to give it my best. And, I have. And what do you know, in this decision, I realized I still love what I do. I'm having a really great school year. (sometimes, you just have to DO it!)
In the past year, I decided to REALLY focus my energy on the relationships that reciprocate (although…). In the past year, I watched several friends go through challenges that --quite frankly-- I don't think I could have traveled. I watched them survive -- stand tall -- and move forward, and I decided that I am the lucky one to be able to be in their space. I have friends who inspire me in so many ways--they make me strive to be a better me, and it is those relationships that I want to nurture more…I decided that through their strength, I could keep discovering my own. And, I am.
In the past year, I decided that preserving family time was something that I was committed to, fully and completely. I realized that if I was asked to make a priority list in my life…my career is not in the top 5. And I decided that I am OK with that! I don't need to justify that or explain that to anyone. It is simply my realization-my A-HA. There are other pieces of my life that make up my top 5…my career isn't in that top 5. And when I realized this, I also realized I shouldn't be expected to feel "bad" about that. And, I know what this alignment means. I know that my career is still important, but my priorities have shifted. I have a co-worker who tells me often that I have changed so much in the past few years. I take that as a compliment. I am not afraid to change …not anymore.
In the past year, I decided to make those changes, commit to those changes. My motto for my school year became: DO or DO NOT …there is NO TRY. And now, as I look forward to the new year. my motto is REDO. What do I want to REDO within my world?
I decided to REDO some things…one step at a time.
Stemming off of the Happiness Project and Happier At Home (both great reads by Gretchin Rubin), I decided to start making a list (check out WANDERLUST--it's awesome) for January. My REDO's range from "to do's" to redoing pieces of my home.
I decided to start a board on Pinterest of REDO's for my house decor and organization (this toddler thing is a beast!), and I decided to create a collection of quotes and phrases that help me refocus on keeping me centered and HAPPY :)
I FINALLY decided to start napping more…or resting more when my daughter naps. (yes, we tell new moms to nap when the baby naps…I finally figured out how to do this, now that she is TWO!) And, I decided NOT to feel guilty for being lazy, for relaxing (that word still rattles me a little), for curling up by the fire with a blanket instead of doing laundry.
I decided that working out and taking care of me-it's what I DO now. It's becoming automatic. I get up every M-F, and I work out. Done. NO more excuses.
I decided that if I want to have some mommy friendships and connections, then I have to create that--so I decided to create a play date. :)
I decided to join/co-chair :) a book club with people that will help me grow.
I decided to do gratitude journals with my class. (talk about a shift in environment!!)
I decided that this year my husband and I are GOING to take a family vacation, and I am going to commit to more date nights :)
I decided that when my daughter says, "mommy play," I stop what I am doing, and I play.
I decided to start REDOing.
Sometimes, you have to look back, so you can look ahead…
A new year of decisions…and it's only January. Happy New Year.
