The path to 41 has begun. In the weeks that have passed since February 19th, my world has changed in many ways.
AT LAST, I achieved what I wondered if I could…I completed my master degree internship project, and I received an A, and I AM going to graduate with my master degree in Administration, along with a principal’s license on May 11th.
This educational journey-this path to my career has been one of the longest…and warranted a level of perseverance that I wasn’t sure I actually possessed…
….in 1981, I wanted to be a teacher or a writer…
This piece of my journey…
--Actually began long ago-in 1989.
I can still see where I was standing on the staircase of our home-a twin single about 1500 square feet smaller than our previous home-
The home we had to move into in the middle of my senior year-
The home I found for my family in the back of the Eastside Messenger newspaper when I was 17-after learning that my current home had just been foreclosed on…we lost our home and had just weeks to find a new place. My parents were so deep into this cloud of dark despair and anger with one another-that finding a new home was left to me…
--even now, I am not actually all that surprised that I was the one responsible for “fixing” this…
So, I was standing on the stairs talking to my mom about college, and it hit me. There was no money for me to go. The same person who found her family a new home in the classifieds was delusional enough to think that there was a secret “college fund.” I used to have to give up much of my babysitting money to buy groceries—what was I thinking??
--now, as I type this, I am still stunned that I believed this fallacy…
My parents had enough money to pay for my first quarter at OSU. $735.00 in September 1990. With no more money, I dropped out in December.
I began to work 2 jobs-one at Kroger, where I had been working since 1988, and one at a linen store in Scarborough Mall. I got laid off from there, and I began my second job at the Gap (I can fold really well-sell add-ons, cinch it with a belt)—
--oddly enough…these days were some of my happiest J
My parents were able to get a PLUS loan, and I returned to school in September 1991. My first class that semester was English 110…I got to write the whole semester—and I loved being back on OSU’s campus…ahh Fall.
--Campus in the fall…still makes me smile. Eventhough I lived at home, I spent a lot of time studying, err, partying on campus.
I was back to working just one job-but about 35 hours a week. I just didn’t seem to grasp the amount of studying I needed to do to stay afloat-to maintain any sort of GPA…I loved the sociology classes, and I did really well in British Literature—any class that required writing-not papers, but writing as a craft, I attended-literally and figuratively. But classes like MATH, biology…even Psychology and many of my child development courses—which were, sadly, memorizing and regurgitating on long scantron tests…were avoided- I skipped class and did very little studying. I enjoyed the content of the child development courses, but the format bored me—and I disengaged…which sent my GPA diving even further.
No one told me that one poor grade in college erased about 4 good grades. But, I never asked either. I just thought…”I’ll try harder next quarter...”
---looking back now, I still feel like such an idiot!!
1992, and a new president stepped in office. He opened up student loans to people like me. My family wasn’t below the poverty line…but now, I, too, could get some help.
---I can still recall feeling like I wasn’t succeeding if I wasn’t in college??…
It took me 6 years to finish. This is common today, but back then, as I passed the “you should be graduated my now” mark of 1994, I felt ashamed. Inside, I felt like a failure. By 1996, even my boyfriend at the time couldn’t believe I was still in college—
---and I knew that graduate school was NOT where I wanted to go…get your masters at the same time??-I didn’t know anyone who was doing this…and now, I am so thankful I waited—I couldn’t grasp an integrate my learning from undergrad, let alone add in new information that had no place in my life, yet…
In the Winter of 1996, I took my last finals…and I waited. I was in grave danger of not passing. I needed a D in Statistics, or I would have to come back Spring Quarter. On a Thursday morning, I walked to the math building, and I met my Stats professor. She told me that they base the curve on the lowest score…which was mine. I passed with a 51% (yes, crazy). Later, as I sat by the phone on a Thursday afternoon, I prayed the next answer would come before my 3-1130 shift at work.
Finally, the phone rang … I passed Speech and Hearing with a D-.
I sat there and sobbed. I would graduate with my BS in Family Relations and Human Development. I was going to graduate with a 2.34 GPA.
--Pathetic. I was relieved and excited, but really just felt pathetic.
--I had no job…
--my mortar board at graduation blinked with flashing lights around a puffy paint message, “no, I don’t know what I am going to do.”
In the final 3 years of my degree, the media was heavily invested in this definition of my generation…Generation X, they called us. My generation was described as…lost. Highly caffeinated and lost.
I fit this bill. I stayed at Kroger where I was making more money than I could with my degree. I finally moved out of my house, and I switched to the catering division with Kroger. I planned events…worked crazy hours, drank a lot of coffee and a lot of beer…and went through the motions of the day. I applied for other jobs, sought a head hunter, networked…but nothing.
--I was 26…when was I going to get my life together??
I met my now husband in 1998. I still remember thinking, “woah, he has a real job.” I never felt like I had a real job. All those years in college, and ….still stuck.
--Looking back…I know now that ”stuck” is a mindset…
I went back to OSU in 1998. I was going to work toward an M.Ed in Home Economics. The advisor told me I needed to bring my GPA up to a 3.0. I started taking classes…after two semesters on nutrition and economics and fabrics…I was only at a 2.43. I would need about 20 A’s to bring it up to a 3.0… complete failure. The advisor advised me WRONG…but I didn’t do the math, either…that “stuck” mindset was winning…
--I wrote in my journal: On February 24th 2000, I will have a new job.
Not soon after, I got a call from my best friend. There was a job opening at Head Start. It was a pay cut, but it was an open door. I went to the interview and did my best to impress the panel.
On February 24th, 2000, I was offered a job as a family service worker at Head Start. (yes, really on that exact date).
--“stuck” is a mindset…
About a year later, I overheard a conversation from one of my co-workers. She found a program at Ohio Dominican where she could get her Pre-K-3 teaching license. The GPA requirement –at the time- was 2.5.
--time to take a chance…on me.
I called and met with the most inspirational advisor…he sent me to Columbus State to take a few courses: PE for teachers, Art for teachers, Geography, Chemistry, Physics…told me to work hard.
I did. I worked my ass off. Geog/Chem/Phys were BRUTAL. Study and spit out. I memorized the periodic table, maps of the world, and formulas. I sat in the front row, came early to class, stayed after to ask questions, and made new friends.
I accumulated more student loans.
I did it. Within a year, I had the requirements completed for the program…and my 2.43 was now a 2.5-barely (see how hard it is to move a GPA?....I got A’s in all my classes except geography-B and physics-B)
I started at Ohio Dominican in the summer of 2002. I finished in December of 2003. All A’s J Only one B+ in Music for Teachers where I had to learn to play the recorder (thanks SDB). I even added in my Reading Endorsement, and I passed all my Praxis exams.
--I was so close!!
Finally!! I was going to be the teacher I had dreamed of becoming…
I started subbing in the winter of 2004, and I got a long term gig doing Intervention in K-1 in Reynoldburg. I loved my new teaching family. I loved the school… I found my home.
--not quite.
I was not hired for the next year…I made a few errors in my interview-
--one was not being ME-….BIG mistake.
…And, there is always a political game…(that was a tough lesson to learn)
I did two summer school sessions, and asked around, looked hard…and I got an interview in Whitehall. I went to that interview…
--and I was ME.
I was hired 20 minutes after I left my second interview.
About 40,000 dollars later, and many, many, many classes past my undergrad…I was a teacher.
In 2007, I began the trek toward my master degree. I desperately wanted to go back to OSU—prove I could do it-be academically, statistically successful.
--to prove?? Don’t know…
My GPA, now a 2.8…was not enough to get in.
---take the GRE, they said. ---take a few classes as a non-degree, they said.
I did both. I studied and studied and studied and studied for the GRE. I took 2 amazing classes, earned A’s and gained support from the respective professors.
NO ENTRY.
And then…the next summer…I studied and studied and studied and studied, and I took the GRE again (not a free test, btw). The professors appealed to the board and recommended me.
NO ENTRY.
--why can’t I get a break, I wondered??
Reluctantly, I applied to Ashland. Started in a teacher leader program and switched to administration.
Each class…1500.00 out of my own pocket. No fee waivers from Ashland…no entry to OSU. But…I wanted to get my masters. I had to prove this to myself.
Prove what? I’m still trying to figure that one out…
3.5 years in….I became pregnant. After 5 years of trying to have a baby, we were blessed.
--can I do all this??
I took 3 classes while 6 months pregnant. I took 1 just 2 months after she was born. I took 2 the summer she was 8 months old. I took one, along with a year long internship in the fall of 2012, along with a grade level change. I took my principal praxis in December of 2012.
My master project was submitted on April 4th. GPA: 3.8. Only 2 B’s. Another 18,000.
…so this piece of my journey comes to a close. People are actually asking me what I am doing next…TAKING A BREAK!
--(although I am changing grades again-off to third, heading a committee and mentoring…but those are things I WANT to do…I ENJOY doing…things that FEED me).
--yet…
…in the hours, days, and weeks that followed, I felt a sense of a letdown—partly from all of the pressure having disappeared…and partly because I had this expectation of how I thought others would react…
…I’m still trying to figure that one out—expectations are tough. I am so hard on myself-insanely hard on myself…but is that fair to be that way to others? I don’t exactly know where the balance is, but I felt…
Let down.
--and so I decided to write it all out…so I could see my own path, clearly, sequentially…so I could see in black and white the thing I preach each day to my own students…the thing I am proud of ME for…
Perseverance.
It works.
Sometimes, it just takes time.
...and a lot of help along the way...I am forever grateful to those who stood by me when I wasn't sure if I could keep going...you know who you are...I love you.
...and a lot of help along the way...I am forever grateful to those who stood by me when I wasn't sure if I could keep going...you know who you are...I love you.
...two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less travelled by…
