My Insane Journey-Transformation Summer 2013 8.25.2013

As a teacher, the end of the school year-is like December 31st-
and the beginning of the school year-is like January 1st-
Which makes summer
the longest 24 hours of time
that goes incredibly fast.

By the time June 12th arrived, I was beyond exhausted.
178 days of taking classes, doing an internship, teaching a new grade
being a mommy to a sweet baby
trying to be a better partner to my husband
and trying to be a friend to my friends

                        overwhelmed

I needed a change...

You might think with all the changes I had endured, I'd be "satisfied"-"settled"
That's one of the things I know about me-
Rarely-
"satisfied"
Rarely-
"settled"

There's an old Alanis Morissette song called, "That I Would Be Good."

The lines...
"That I would be good
even when I'm overwhelmed."

the words-they tell me that it is OK

Which I know, but at the end of the school year, I didn't feel so OK.
Overwhelmed, but not OK.

I knew several weeks prior that I needed to make a change, but I didn't know where to begin
but I knew it had to be WITH ME
not someone or something else

I promised myself when I finished my masters that I would "take care of myself."
(my health, my well-being)

But, where does one even begin?

I knew that I didn't want to do something all my friends were doing
I knew I did not want to run
I knew that I did not want to join a gym and waste travel time
I didn't want to buy equipment that would collect dust
I knew I did not want to take a class where others would see me
I knew I had to do something that would be mine.  I had to own it.
Oh, and I wanted a transformation--over the summer.

It began...
With an infomercial-late at night-when I was home alone and the baby is asleep.

I was watching the informercial for Insanity-a rigorous 60 day program that involved moves that I couldn't fathom contorting my body into
             -yet
I was glued, fascinated.
I started googling and reading.
A few days later I posted on Facebook looking for feedback.
A co-worker let me borrow his DVD's

...and then they sat on my kitchen counter
staring at me each day as I left for work

***as a side note, I have never played a sport, exercised, ran a whole mile
I can't touch my toes, could never do a cartwheel or handstand, wasn't in the band or in any sort of dance, so I can't count a beat, and I had zero muscle tone-zero.
(although, I did give birth--that was a sort of work out)***

After school got out, I decided enough was enough.
I went to my basement, moved some things around, asked my husband to put the DVD player down there, and then-

I went down one day.  I pushed play.
I thought I would pass out from how hard my heart was pounding JUST from the jumping jacks during the fit test (the pre-work-out)
                       I mean--when was the last time I did a freaking jumping jack??
And then, the next day I went back.  I could barely make it though the warm up without stopping every minute or so.
And then, I went back for day three.
And somewhere into the second week, I saw changes in my body.  I was growing muscle.  My face was looking thinner.
I kept going.  I had to modify a lot because I physically could not get my body to do all the moves, but I kept moving.  Day after day, I went down into the basement, and I pressed play, and I worked as hard as I could in that moment on that day.  It was truly insane...

My pants became looser, and I started to feel some relief from the back pain I had been having since pregnancy in 2011.  I kept going.

My husband joined me too, and we became determined to master different portions of the workouts.  We encouraged each other to go to it each day. (Thank you, Tim!!!)

Then came month 2.  The workouts were almost an hour each, and the sequences were getting harder.  I thought I was going to die some days! (persevere...)

Then one day...I actually felt like I nailed the workout.  I had to keep going.  I was GOING to finish!

And yes, let me be honest.  There were days I was too tired.  There were days that my knees were killing me.  There were days after an evening of too many glasses of wine (but I still did it).  I did not miss one single workout, and I did all the double days.  I couldn't believe I was seeing ab muscles.  I couldn't believe that I got into "those" jeans.

One of the BEST rewards?  I could lift my daughter high over my head again. ...something we used to do all the time before she started weighing 30 pounds.  JOY.

The workout did something else.  It created a new connection between my husband and I--we chatted about how we were doing, and he was really proud of my dedication, and I was really grateful for the support and encouragement.  We didn't do the workout together, but we tag teamed watching our daughter so the other one could work out.  He was truly my biggest cheerleader.  He was the first person to notice the changes in me.  Our focus?  Maris.  We both have to stay strong to take care of her.  I remind myself all the time that I will be 58 when she graduates from high school.  I owe it to her to be as strong and healthy as possible.

On the last day, 8.18, I cried when I signed my initials.  60 days, and I did not let one excuse stop me.  I did not self-sabotage.  I made it.  It was like I put a new cape of confidence on my back...

               and today, I feel....good.

In the last 60 plus days, I have changed.  I changed my body.  I have lost inches all over my body, lost fat, and I actually have real muscle!  I went and cut four inches off my hair, and I sat in the sun for some summer color.  I got the bottom braces off.  I spent the whole summer with my family.  I took time to read.  I played.  I made some decisions about work...about the embarking school year.  I changed this summer...transformed.

               into a better me

I already started the next phase.  My amazing hair stylist told me about T25.  It's a 25 minute workout from the same trainer.  I decided to commit to this new workout before school and a healthy lunch each day.  A great fresh beginning.  Is it hard?  YES!  But, in one week, I am already seeing new results.  I am committing to me.  I made a promise to me, and I am keeping it.

Early in the summer a friend sent me a text.  I kept this little message.  I think about it every day as I walk down to the basement and DO.  I even decided to make it my motto for work.  In fact it has become my day to day motto.

DO OR DO NOT.  THERE IS NO TRY.