week 28 of 40 9.10.12

I have been back to work for about 2 weeks now—the kids have been there for 4.

I started my last class (with the exception of the ongoing internship) 2 weeks ago.

My daughter will be 10 months old in 2 days.

My dad turned 60 today.

Yesterday was my 12^th wedding anniversary.

Time moves so quickly…at a rapid pace. It can bring such amazing joy…and at the same time bring confusion and disappointment…and then in a moment…in a flash-bring sorrow and pain…

In the past 12 months, I have experienced the single greatest day of my life, some of the darkest and quietest days of my career, and a grief I was not prepared for in any way…

In the past 6 months I have watched my friendships change, morph—take hits so hard, they left dents.  I have watched from the outside and felt it on the inside…and I wonder why. I wonder why?

In the past 3 months, I have finished 2 classes, started a third…watching the dollars go out the door –worrying I won’t complete all of the work—but worrying more about what I am learning…if I am learning…can I apply this new stack of words to my everyday life?

In the past 2 months, I have heard my daughter hum songs, grow more teeth (8 total), watched her almost take her first steps, seen her hair finally grow—long enough to blow in the gentle breeze…

In the past month, I was able to move into a new classroom, shiny, bright, clean…a room that overlooks the trees—so scenic-so beautiful, we call it the “treehouse”…what a gift to see my former students smile so brightly as they looked up, across the floors, out to the playground—

In the past month, I have heard a buzzing…one that almost stings.  A lack of graciousness, a lack of appreciation, an air of entitlement…A buzz I simply cannot comprehend-so I walk away, brush away the sound.

In the past few weeks, I have heard cheers of joy—my students singing their first Hang On Sloopy of 2^nd grade—I have seen a smile that brings me tears as I type—my daughter jumping in her crib when I say “good morning, Snugs,”-- I have felt a hug …the kind that fills your whole body-from my husband-who each day loves me through all of my “moments,”  --I have cried tear after tear, terribly, horribly missing my friend, forgetting she was gone until I was about to click SEND on the text I had typed to her about the sunny days we were having in Ohio

In the past few days, I have simply tried to enjoy and embrace the small moments—the yellow roses sent to school for my anniversary, a phone call with my best friend who told me to get another perm (jokingly), the 5 minutes my daughter laid on my chest, sucking her thumb quietly, sweetly on a Sunday morning (listening to her little breath…), the silly ways my husband told me Happy Anniversary (you are the worst avocado peeler ever, Happy Anniversary), the breeze from my moon roof on my car (Wendy, I know that is all you!), the old school Boyz II Men song that came on my ipod (On Bended Knee), grilled pizza, tomato pie, Barbera wine, seeing my mom get teary over her granddaughter, my new thicker bangs… and the quiet moment that I had on the way home this evening when I said to myself:  I don’t have it all, but I have what I want…what I need. And that is all.  

Time...