This was my speech at
the funeral for Tim. May of you
requested it. It was written in about an
hour or so…and it was just the words that poured into my computer in this quiet
moments. I could edit it with dozens
more things to tell you (like how he gave Maris her first Depot Dog, fed her
sour patch kids on the way to school, touched my backside every morning when
got up and was getting ready for work. He
would truly do anything for anyone: from
picking up a friend when the car breaks down, to holding Ella and Audrey to
watch fireworks, to picking up the tab, to hugging everyone who needed it…and
the list goes on and on.
But, the writing below is what I
said on that day to his family, friends, and the community of Powhatan. It was a honor to speak about my Tim to all
of you.
***Thank you all for coming.
Seeing all of you warms my heart and is a true testimony to what an
influence and presence he was in this community. For those of you who really know me, I love a
great memoir, and I can make a lot of lists.
So, here we go: a slice, a snippet, a sideways glance into who Tim was
and will always be.
I met Tim when he was up, and I was down at our apartment
complex. This really symbolizes who we
were and who are as a couple. He was my
up when I was down, and I was up when he was down, but with a smile like his,
he was really never down.
I always made fun of him:
Mr. River –the girls lined up to date him~waving to all of the
teachers-the “classic popular jock.” The
jock who hated football 2 a days. The
guy who wore powder blue to his prom. He
never not smiled, ever. Everyone says
that over and over.
Tim was the kind of kid who was always falling down. That gray tooth was legit. He tumbled so many times, it turned gray-all
the while his family and friends were chatting on the front porch, “Where’s
Tim?’ BOOM BOOM. He just fell down the steps.
Did you know that Tim tried to swim to –West Virginia?—That
he almost flipped a canoe in the creek rapids? –That he busted his ear jumping
the wake?
Tim told me over and over some of favorite moments were when
he spent time with his cousins –his many cousins-especially going to
Columbus—that was a big deal he told me, and of course, I laugh about that even
now.
Being with his family and his amazing friends was his
favorite thing of all…sounds a lot like Maris.
Tim studied hard in college.
He said he couldn’t get the good grades like Jimmy and Dave. He wanted to go out, but all he did was
study. I told him over and over that no
one believes that baloney because we all know he was at the Greenery drinking
from those nasty double dipping buckets of beer.
Tim said the moment that college ended, he packed up his
stuff and drove out of there, listening to : “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta
Wear Shades.” He still loves that song. And of course he quickly found a job in
Maryland. He showed me that house. He brought a tree home from there to plant in
our yard. Crap! I don’t even know if it still there! #badwife
Meeting Tim taught me to stop being a cynic and to love a
little. I still recall the moment that I
knew I loved him. Sitting at the cooker,
looking over his oriental chicken salad, and I thought, “I love this man.”
Our wedding day was a beautiful blur because the truth
is-the wedding is a day, and the marriage in the work.
We built a house, and it became our home once we walked into
the doors despite the raging snowstorm.
I can still recall eating Wendys in the frame of the house before it was
out living room.
Beginning our journey into marriage was a challenge. I decide to go back to college –my dream of
becoming a teacher was going to be a reality.
As we began the journey into becoming parents…it became a
beast-one that after many years became a chore.
Having Maris was the greatest joy of our lives. I recall the moments of feeling her tumbling
through my belly. He loved feeing her
move. I recall the moment that Tim knew
she was a girl right before the doctor said it.
Maris Leigh was here! From that
single moment, they became best friends.
Everyone loved Tim.
No one disliked him. No one. He always had a smile. Happy and always singing like Sammie, strong
and focused like his dad. He shared
brains with John and Jimmy, and his family.
And you..all of you, his best friends were woven together into his
heart. You know who you are, woven
together I have ever know. And my gosh
did we have some CRAZY times. SHHHHH.
But here are some things you may not know or have forgotten:
1. 1. Tim is on his last pair of Tevas. They are ugly and smelly, but they are so
“comfortable.” I was planning to hide
them in May.
2.
This snow—it’s him. He stalks the weather channel—watches other
cities get snow, throwing pillows around the room because he’s pissed it isn’t
Columbus—not even a flake.
3.
He’s obsessed with chips. I can make a 4 course meal, and 20 minutes
later, he is eating Fritos.
4.
He hates
to wash cars, carpets, clean the basement, but his lawn, PLEASE! I have to tell you about the Zero Turn Radius
Mower. Last summer he spent 3 weeks
walking around with the Toro ad like it was attached. Then one day he tells me
to lie down on the bed next to him. I
think, “Geesh, now?” He looks at me side
by side, face to face, and he looks me in the eye. “I wanna tell you something.” I start to get sweaty, wondering “Like
what?” Then he says, ”I’m buying the
lawn mower!” Really!! “I told you to buy that it 3 weeks ago!” Tim did not let a single blade of grass
ungroomed or, we were going to see lightning strike.
5.
Every
morning, he leaves 2 socks from the night before on the living room floor –it
is just too much trouble to take them into the laundry room. Even Maris says, “There’s daddy’s
socks.” She is starting to do it, too.
6.
He secretly wants to be on Survivor. I let him dream it. He hates to be cold. He would last 48 hours.
7.
He makes
messes everywhere—coffee grinds, shake powder, wine droplets, crud on the
stove, on the counter, in the basement, the garage, and his car. Nests everywhere, and let’s not forget his
office.
8.
But, he does my laundry. (I’m never going to have clean clothes
again!). He turns down my bed at night,
and he changes the light bulbs…and the smoke detectors. Who the hell is going to unclog the sing with
that damn snake? (any takers?)
9.
He has
the softest feet—it’s kinda weird how much lotion he uses.
10. He made a smoker out of 2 terry cotta clay
pots. It makes the best smoked pork
ever—he’s pretty famous for it. I’ll
need help with that, too.
11. He insists on trying to get Maris to love
classic rock, ACDC, and country, but she just asks for mommy’s hip hop and
Adele. “Play My Song,” she says
12. He had Maris outside in the fresh November air
on the 3rd day of her life –cold with a onesie and mittens.
13. Although he tried dozens of times, he never
made the perfect ribs, but we went to the Jazz and Rib festival every year—it
was a favorite with Maris.
14. He has the worst handwriting –in fact his
whole family does.
15. He is filled with all of these “Tim-isms.” “Milk makes me sweat.” “It’s a no-brainer (always about
money).” “Wheat beer doesn’t agree with
me (even though we drank Blue Moon for 5 years).
16. His favorite places were at the bar in his
parents’ kitchen where he would put his feet up on the other chair so no one
could sit down…and on the Ohio River—“it doesn’t get better that this.”
17. He spent over a month watching You Tube videos
on his beard. He has dozens of
products—I called his beard his “zip code.”
18. In
fact our last texts and conversations were about his zip code and the attention
it was getting at the bar. Everywhere he
went he became buds with their zip codes.
19. If we were in the Valley, there’d better be a
boat, Corona, Kenny Chesney, and DiCarlos.
I used to get to lay on the back of the boat, but a 4 year old is slowly
learning to drive and scoot mommy off the back of the boat. I used to tell Tim what was mine was mine,
and what his was mine. But, um, I guess
Maris will simply say …It’s all mine.
That’s our diva.
20. Tim
and Maris race up the stairs every night, and he lets her win. “I winned,” she says. She only really wants daddy to rock her, tuck
her in, and pet her. When she cries at
night she always wants daddy-Unless he hurts he feelings –then she runs to
mommy. A simple “no” from daddy gives
her hurt feelings, and she says, “ Daddy hurt my feelings, and I need a hug.”
21. Tim
and I love to cook, listen to jazz and Ray, have fires, drink wine (most often
too much). Maris was becoming a part of
that. He made a great night cap, Moscow
Mule, and Bloody Mary.
22. He
also sang the Dr. Hook song to me, “When You’re In Love With A Beautiful-It
Gets Hard. Everybody Wants Her. Every body Wants Her. She’s The Most
Beautiful Woman Around.” It brightened
my day every time.
23. He
would sing Drake’s “I’m Proud Of You” to Maris.
“Daddy sing my song.”
24. Does
anyone know his hand wave?
25. He
has the worst rage ever. When he passes
someone who is driving too slowly in the wrong lane, he tells me to give them
the “asshole look.”
The truth is, I could going forever because
behind closed doors there are thousands of tiny moments that will surely stop me
in my tracks all day long.
My true prayer for Maris is that I can,
with the help of all of you, reveal his smile on her face, fill her heart with
generosity, logic, an affection for all things outdoors, and that she’ll be
immersed daily in conversations about her daddy-stories that keep his heart
alive, stories and tales of who he was and how much she is just like
daddy. She’ll learn to love life like
he did-driving the boat, ramping the four-wheeler (OK not too high), chasing
the damn geese, braising short ribs, enjoying a fire on the patio, waiting for
a “really big snow,” and wearing a ball cap incessantly. And she will love deeply. I love you daddy. I wanna snuggle with your daddy.
Tim, you are my UP forever now. Every raindrop, snowflake, rainbow, and
butterfly will be you. Every ray of
sunshine and fallen leaf will be kisses from you, forehead kisses and pets on
your chest. I’ll hear you say you are
the babydoll, beevis, and the best wife ever.
You are the best moments of my life.
“Never say never doesn’t apply to us, “ as we said in our personal
wedding vows. “Because I’ll never give
up on you, and I will never give up on us.”
I love you , honeykins.
Arrows. Arrows.
Thank you.
